Mom Guilt- Breastfeeding Edition

First breastfeeding is awesome! I loved it and think it is so important IF you can do it but its also really, really hard.  I personally feel like I had easy when it came to breastfeeding with BOTH my kids. We had our issues of course but compared to others we had it good- my milk came in, my babies latched, no lip ties, or other health issues.

Breastfeeding is so very hard and as someone who has been pregnant or nursing for the better part of the last 4 years I am tired of sharing my body. I know its such a first world problem and I am so #blessed to be able to nurse. I am so glad that I have been able to do this for my babies- I did it 11 months with Q and now I honestly think this time with Kinley is coming to and end. However I am having some super mom guilt about pulling the plug on nursing.

Kinley is almost 7 months old at 6 months we started veggies and now have moved on to fruit. She loves it and thinks its awesome that she can finally sit at the table with Q. Since starting these wonderful foods she really isn't that into nursing.

She pops off, she looks around, she doesn't eat for more than 5 minutes. Basically is super frustrating for me and forcing her is NOT gonna work. She does things on her own terms- this is the child that decided to come like 18 hours before her scheduled c-section. She sometimes wants to nurse but usually that is the middle of the night if she nurses for more than 3 minutes.  I also pump during work hours its a lot to keep up with for me.

I was TOTALLY on board with doing this because it was worth it. I was making plenty of milk for my little poppy there was no reason to quit. I was doing what I should and I was FINE with the sacrifices I was making because the milk was flowing. Then I started getting less and less as I pumped, Kinley just wanted food.  So here I am going to work on weaning her from nursing. She will be fine with failure powder formula and I did give her breastmilk for the first 6 months of her life. I am not a failure, I am a mom that has options and I strongly believe that fed is best.

That voice creeps in that I am a bad mom, I failed my girl, I should spend 67 dollars on teas, make lactation cookies and eat oatmeal for every meal. With Q I did all that and it didn't work; I stressed, I pumped and I tried but he still had formula. I guess in some way I was like I will do better with Kinley and she won't get formula I learned my lessons I will make a it year with her!! I don't think that is going to happen and I have to accept that. I mean I am not a cruchy mom by any means- Q would live on hot dogs and chocolate milk if I let him. So WHY is this so hard to let go? I am not sure. I am so ready to be done, to own my own body again, to have freedom, to wear what I want, to let D be the one to give her a bottle. But then I think- she is only little once, I can do this for a few more months, should I keep trying?

I am thankful for our journey. I am thankful for the time I got to do this with my babies. I have loved getting to feed them but if its over I am not going to push it. Having two kids makes me realize I have to focus on the really important critical things and I know my kids have everything they need. The mom guilt is hard, its strong and I want to be cool and just throw it off.

Things that have helped me;

• My amazing husband- who tells me that what I should do its what is best for ME and for our daughter. He listens to me complain and washes pump parts and entertains Q while I nurse.
• Q had formula and he is fine. Like better than fine- he is AMAZING.
• My mom told me that she stopped nursing my sister at 9 months. My sister is way cooler than me who was breastfed for over a year. 
• My mom friends who answer my text and tell me they get it and are over pumping too.  Their kids had formula and they rock. 
• Other random people on IG that I have found give there kids formula and have struggled with this too. 

I am realizing that this is the end. I am working on accepting that! 

We Survived: Vacation Edition

Like all things with small children you never really know how things are going to go until maybe like 10 minutes before its underway. Overall vacation week was REALLY good- the kids had fun and D and I got some much needed time away from our house projects.

The first airplane ride was totally great- Q did amazing and so did Kinley. They both slept a good portion of the time and woke up happy. We looked like we brought the whole house with us but Duane was a master of suitcase management. He even limited the cursing so I think it was a TOTAL win.

The house we stayed at was amazing and had plenty of room for this nugget to run free.

CO Springs offered a lot of options to keep us entertained. My favorite was the zoo!! Q got to feed the elephants- for the low price of 15 dollars. Which I promptly had to mooch from my father since D and I had nary a cash dollar on our person. We also fed giraffes which was only 5 bucks but added up quickly when Q threw entire handfuls to one VERY happy giraffe. He did let this one eat pieces off his head so we saved a bit.

We did SO much fun stuff but overall it was wonderful to spend time with family. Duane and I spent 85% of the time carrying one or both of our children. I also realized I need to put in some serious gym time because walking about 5 miles a day carrying a kid (or two) is not easy.  At one point I had Q in the carrier on my back and Kinley in my arms nursing. HAVE. TO. GET. IT. TOGETHER.

 

We finally broke down and bought strollers for them and it worked MUCH better. Lesson learned on that one- even though K was hit or miss in them and no naps were to be had in these but once mom picked someone up we crashed. Again- I need to get my act together. 

I just loved getting time with my people!! 

 Trying to give him love so maybe he would act right for pictures? Nope.

 The big family shot turned out really good!! Even if Q was determined to make the day total hell for me. :) Good thing he is cute!!

Vacation 2018 is done! Now we are off to sell our house and get this new one moved into. I am working on ideas to make my life easier and also am trying to find a good book about cleaning out. SIMPLE is my 2018 word. 

Life Lately

We are busy. For a summer that was supposed to be filled with lazy weekends and plenty of time in the backyard it just hasn't happened. Oy!

The first piece of the puzzle is we decided to build a house. This is something we are so excited about and hoping that pieces continue to fall into place. The house is set to be done around end of September/Mid-October.  We had so much fun figuring out what we wanted for the new house!! Q took his first of many pictures on the "front porch" of his new house.

We are working hard to finish the projects we need to list the house. This has been a HUGE undertaking but we are praying the house sells quickly. Duane is taking the lead on this (of course) and is a rockstar. He seriously has worked his booty off and I am so thankful for his hard work. Even if the house doesn't workout we will have our current home the way we want it. Tiling the LAST of what is needed. Next up painting the outside of the house, get the new roof on and then small things inside. I also am on team declutter and get rid of ALL THE THINGS.  Goodwill has seen a whole lotta me in the past few weeks.

Kinley has decided she wants REAL food thanks. She loves, loves to eat and after about 2 times is a master of eating off a spoon. She also yells and makes it known that she wants whatever her brother is eating or whatever I am eating. So that has been fun :)

 We are also in the middle of our potty training journey. Well maybe we are at the end? He is doing SO well and I am beyond impressed that he picked it up so quickly. He also has figured out that he can "water the grass". So anytime we go outside pants come down.

I am frantically trying to get us all packed for a week in Colorado. I *THINK* I have almost everything. Now to get it all organized and do our final laundry sweep - its the kids first flights so I am not sure how this is going to go at all. Mom and Dad are on the same one with us so praise the Lord we have extra hands.  I have figured out my kids are very hot and cold. They are REALLY good most of the time but when its bad its bad. I am hoping to get my to-do list checked off and try to enjoy the week.

I also am trying REALLY hard to lose that baby weight aka tacos and being lazy. So I am working on a few post to keep me honest with that journey!

My sister is also expecting her first babe. A BOY!!  I am SO excited to do all the aunt things and be there during her special time. We have a girls weekend planned and baby shower in July. Mom and I had her gender reveal party a few weeks ago.  The road to Edmond has my name on it friends!!