Mom Guilt- Breastfeeding Edition

First breastfeeding is awesome! I loved it and think it is so important IF you can do it but its also really, really hard.  I personally feel like I had easy when it came to breastfeeding with BOTH my kids. We had our issues of course but compared to others we had it good- my milk came in, my babies latched, no lip ties, or other health issues.

Breastfeeding is so very hard and as someone who has been pregnant or nursing for the better part of the last 4 years I am tired of sharing my body. I know its such a first world problem and I am so #blessed to be able to nurse. I am so glad that I have been able to do this for my babies- I did it 11 months with Q and now I honestly think this time with Kinley is coming to and end. However I am having some super mom guilt about pulling the plug on nursing.

Kinley is almost 7 months old at 6 months we started veggies and now have moved on to fruit. She loves it and thinks its awesome that she can finally sit at the table with Q. Since starting these wonderful foods she really isn't that into nursing.

She pops off, she looks around, she doesn't eat for more than 5 minutes. Basically is super frustrating for me and forcing her is NOT gonna work. She does things on her own terms- this is the child that decided to come like 18 hours before her scheduled c-section. She sometimes wants to nurse but usually that is the middle of the night if she nurses for more than 3 minutes.  I also pump during work hours its a lot to keep up with for me.

I was TOTALLY on board with doing this because it was worth it. I was making plenty of milk for my little poppy there was no reason to quit. I was doing what I should and I was FINE with the sacrifices I was making because the milk was flowing. Then I started getting less and less as I pumped, Kinley just wanted food.  So here I am going to work on weaning her from nursing. She will be fine with failure powder formula and I did give her breastmilk for the first 6 months of her life. I am not a failure, I am a mom that has options and I strongly believe that fed is best.

That voice creeps in that I am a bad mom, I failed my girl, I should spend 67 dollars on teas, make lactation cookies and eat oatmeal for every meal. With Q I did all that and it didn't work; I stressed, I pumped and I tried but he still had formula. I guess in some way I was like I will do better with Kinley and she won't get formula I learned my lessons I will make a it year with her!! I don't think that is going to happen and I have to accept that. I mean I am not a cruchy mom by any means- Q would live on hot dogs and chocolate milk if I let him. So WHY is this so hard to let go? I am not sure. I am so ready to be done, to own my own body again, to have freedom, to wear what I want, to let D be the one to give her a bottle. But then I think- she is only little once, I can do this for a few more months, should I keep trying?

I am thankful for our journey. I am thankful for the time I got to do this with my babies. I have loved getting to feed them but if its over I am not going to push it. Having two kids makes me realize I have to focus on the really important critical things and I know my kids have everything they need. The mom guilt is hard, its strong and I want to be cool and just throw it off.

Things that have helped me;

• My amazing husband- who tells me that what I should do its what is best for ME and for our daughter. He listens to me complain and washes pump parts and entertains Q while I nurse.
• Q had formula and he is fine. Like better than fine- he is AMAZING.
• My mom told me that she stopped nursing my sister at 9 months. My sister is way cooler than me who was breastfed for over a year. 
• My mom friends who answer my text and tell me they get it and are over pumping too.  Their kids had formula and they rock. 
• Other random people on IG that I have found give there kids formula and have struggled with this too. 

I am realizing that this is the end. I am working on accepting that!